"We never change, do we?"

I feel like this is a question I've fought for a long time. The first memory I have of really struggling against what is seen as a fairly normal belief was when we read Of Mice and Men when I was in middle school. It was the first time that I recall being upset by a concept I read in a fictional story, and that was that we can never escape that which we are born into. I feel like I have to re-read it, because it's been nearly 30 years, and the only part of it that I really recall is that dreams are great, but you are stuck with what you have been dealt. I'm sure someone more versed on the story would have further insights into this, but... I'm just train-of-thoughting at the moment, and this concept has been on my mind of late.


Mostly it's been on my mind with regard to the idea of if people can truly change. If once someone shows their 'flaws,' if believing that they can overcome those things and perhaps grow beyond the need to lapse into them again is a foolish belief. Once a tiger shows you they are a tiger, why would you expect them to behave like a fish? It's where my mind is currently given recent circumstances around the concept of deceit and selfishness. When someone has shown themselves to be a liar, can they ever truly be trusted not to lie again? Certainly circumstances exist that create the seeming need for someone to think that is their best option... but, who's to say that circumstance won't appear in some other way, and thus this behavior appear once again, perhaps even worse than before? Once someone has lied, obviously the expectation is that they will lie again. And even when they say "I'll never lie again" - if they are a liar, then that is also a lie, or least... one must assume it is. But I still want to have faith in the potential in people for good things, and I can't help but feel that is incredibly both brave and stupid at the same time.


I was talking today with a friend about expectation, and the attachment to what we expect in a person versus being open to the possibility that is within them. There is a struggle wherein we expect certain behaviors from people and when we don't get them, we are disappointed/hurt/upset/angry, and how the issue there lies within the expectation we create of that person. Now, that's all well and good, but also I think it's important to have boundaries for oneself in regard to health/honesty/respect/etc. If I learn definitively that someone is a rapist, putting myself in a position where I say "Well, it's possible they won't rape me" and hanging out one-on-one with them seems just a bit naive.


So the thing I come back to is... As a person who wants to believe in the best in people, and also wants to believe that people can change if they want it enough and really work hard not to revert to past destructive behavior... How do I continue to have a person in my life who I have lost faith in without constantly fearing that I'm being... tricked? Conned? Fooled? Whatever. How do I continue to support the possibility of change without ending up in a dangerous situation for my personal well-being? I know I can never know if what I am getting is honest... but as a person who holds honesty in the highest regard, I am struggling with how to move forward in a positive way for anyone who has been impacted by recent events. I don't write people off... ever. I believe in redemption, but I don't know what that looks like currently. I don't think anyone is a lost cause. I want to believe we can overcome the circumstances we have been placed into, and be our best selves and achieve our dreams if we truly choose to. How do I stay safe while accepting and supporting with my own choices my belief that everyone is worth fighting for? It's a weird space to be in right now.