Last night I went out to a performance at the DNA Lounge for the Jerk Church sing-along. First let me say what an incredibly impressive group of musicians these folks are. I had a fantastic time singing along with songs I know, as well as learning songs I may recognize but wouldn't have known lyrically. They supplied songbooks and cue-cards, and lots of eye-candy (partially in the form of one of my two best friends in the world). It was an excellent time had by many on a lovely Fat Tuesday.
Once I got home I found myself reflective about a comment (from said bestie) having to do with how 'courageous' I was about meeting people. It got me to thinking about what exactly causes nervousness in situations like those. The answer of course is rejection. Nobody wants to feel like they're uninteresting or stupid or worse: ugly. Perhaps I have it easy as I tend to think I'm interesting, fairly intelligent, and cute most of the time. If I felt myself deficient in any of these areas, I sometimes wonder if I would find it harder to talk to people I didn't know. One can only speculate really, but I came to an interesting conclusion before drifting off to sleep.
Confidence isn't about having something that is impressive to other people. Confidence is about having something that is impressive to yourself. My world is incredibly complex, strikingly beautiful, and fascinatingly surreal. I'm drawn to that in other people because I identify with it. When I talk to people it's more out of curiosity about what their world must be like. And physical attraction, I'll grant you that. In the times that I've been "rejected" (which does happen), I don't feel like I'm somehow deficient. I don't lose confidence - at least not for very long - because my world is so filled with wonderful things already that I chalk it up as the universe's way of saying that this particular person's interactions with me wouldn't have gelled with who I am as a person. Energy is weird like that - it attracts itself, but every so often that attraction only goes one direction, and it's the realization and acceptance of this that I've been personally working on. We are magnets for what we can identify with. The times where the resonance happens one way I like to think they're doing me a favor by leaving me open to find someone who does have a reciprocated magnetism. Thanks for that, buddy. Have a good night.
So the next time you're out and you see some person that you're interested in talking to - just talk to them. Tell them something honest - about yourself, about the environment, about your impression of them, about what you want. It doesn't really matter. They will respond, and you'll know if it's worth continuing to talk to them. Not a good connection? Tell them you just thought they should know you think they're adorable, and wish them a good evening. And most importantly - Let it go. The opinion of a mostly-stranger should have no bearing on your opinion of yourself. Again - they are doing you a favor of saving you some unforeseen drama. What a nice person! With so many incredible people in the world, connections will happen. Their feeling on you approaching them is irrelevant - the fact that you put yourself out there and smiled in defeat should be impressive. If not to them, definitely to you. And really, if you're impressed by your abilities, you've won the day.
